Happy Anniversary to Me

 

Today is a special day for me. A few years ago I came unbelievably close to becoming a vegetable or dying. Luckily I didn’t. Ever since that fateful moment, I make a point of celebrating this anniversary.

 

I’m grateful to be alive most days. But since that event, I make a point of waking up every morning and reciting a prayer that goes like this:

 

“I give thanks to you God, who is alive and present in the world, that you returned my soul to me. How great is your faith.”

 

I used to say that prayer every morning when I was a little girl. At some point, I let that daily ritual lapse. I no longer recall how or where. Later, as an adult, the few times I actually thought about it, I was puzzled by the second part of the prayer- how great is your faith. What was that all about?

 

Yet, somehow, I knew in my bones, that it was time to reinstate it, after I got my second chance at life.

 

See, the second part of that prayer made perfect sense to me the day I woke up after my near accident.  Not only was I still alive and breathing, but the divine had faith in me- no matter what I’d done, no matter how badly I’d screwed up.

 

I need those reminders. I’ve certainly made some whoppers of mistakes, perhaps none bigger than that night a few years ago.

 

Running against a red light, I smacked into a fast moving car on the side, and was spun to the ground. A fragment of a fraction of a second earlier, I would have stepped in front of that same car.  The young driver was fully in the right, but I doubt that would have helped him much had he maimed or killed me.

 

I felt deep guilt and shame. I kept replaying how those moments could have turned out differently.

 

My kids and husband might have been left with a comatose or severely disabled mom to take care for the rest of their lives. Or they might not have had a mom at all. That moment could have been the one that nothing was ever the same for them, all because I was in a rush to get home.

 

Yet that night my soul was restored to me. I got another chance.

 

When I said the prayer the following morning, I realized the creative life force that sustains my breath, my blood flow, my digestion and so many other miraculous goings on in my body and mind, is faithfully present in me. That immense force still moves through me, and that moves me at times to tears: to think that no matter what kind of day I’ve had, no matter how I’ve blundered, fallen or slipped, that divine energy is in me. Little ol’ full of imperfections and mistakes me.

 

So this morning I got up and once again joyfully appreciated that I am still in this universe and that this universe still has faith in me.

 

It’s a beautiful warm sunny day here in Jerusalem. I brushed my teeth, drank some coffee, and took a walk and foraged some wild greens in the fields near my house. I made an omelet from those greens and ate it. Then I sat on my porch and had an afternoon cuppa tea. Tonight I will go out dancing with some of my women friends as part of an event to raise money for indigent elderly.

 

But even on the days when I won’t be able to luxuriate in this way I will still recite this prayer. Even on those days I’ll end up dealing with frustrating errands and bureaucracy, piles of work, annoying neighbors or hostile strangers, I will still give thanks for being alive. And on the days when I majorly screw up, I’ll appreciate the divine’s unconditional faith in me.

 

I’d love to hear back from you. Have you ever royally screwed up? Were you able to forgive yourself?  What did you learn from that? 

 

11 thoughts on “Happy Anniversary to Me

  1. Tzippl I applaud your love for life.
    It’s individuals like yourself that give life new meaning and purpose. With this blog you wrote, I can relate it to my life and experiences I have been through. You see I too have experienced 2 close calls to death in this life. I have experienced coma, rehabilitation, and a life to continue on with gods understanding and his faith in me.
    Today, I am on a journey to excel and plan my true calling in this world and it’s to give other people in this world faith in their abilities of being a success, but maybe even more importantly for all of us to believe in ourselves and use the gifts we all have in our hearts to make this world an amazing thing.
    Tzippi, thank you for sharing your story to us and especially for me because you give me reason to all reach for the stars.

    1. Dear Rick,

      You response really moved me. I too applaud your zest for living and desire to help others. I wish you god speed on your journey and mission. You have already helped me believe just a bit more in myself and my gifts through your words. Thanks a ton for that!

    2. Hi Rick,

      I was wondering if you could share a bit more what happened. Sounds like you had to deal with so much. Also, how did you come across my blog?

  2. Very moving, Tzip. I think I’ll adopt your idea and bring that prayer into my mornings…
    So glad you’re still with us! You make this world a more beautiful and loving place, day by day.

  3. Dearest Tzippi

    Dec 29, 2007 on a rainy night driving from Raanana toward Jerusalem a driver ran a red light and hit and totalled my car. I was rushed to Beilinson Hospital, with 2 broken vertebrae, head and neck injuries and bleeding in the brain. It was a night when my husband and daughter didn’t know if I’d live, or be paralyzed, an invalid, or ……………………………..

    Like you, I was saved.

    It took a long time to physically and emotionally recover. My whole life changed after that. I didn’t take anything for granted. It was Divine Grace that spared me. I feel more fragile, and in a special way more sensitive to all things.

    I believe I was saved to do something special, which you dear friend have a big part in.

    With love and appreciation,
    Tobey

    1. Dear Tobey,

      How happy I am that you are still here, alive, well and abundantly creative, sharing your artistry with the world. When you wrote of fragility I thought of a butterflies wings- so delicate yet so beautiful that they inspire us all. That is what you do as well with your creations.

  4. Hi Tzippi,

    I agree with you, life is beautiful and sometimes it takes coming face to face with our mortality to realize this.

    There’s a school of thought that states that our lives are like a film, whose script has been written in advance, so that it is pointless to say “I made a mistake” or “I should have, would have, could have”. And the errands and bureaucracy are also part of the script.

    Enjoy every minute that you are alive!

    1. From the level of the soul, I couldn’t agree more. It’s just when you’re in a human body that sometimes it’s easy to forget there are no mistakes. And yes, I’m doing my best to enjoy my time.. Thanks for that blessing!

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